Saturday, April 20, 2013

Motherhood Meltdowns

I sit here as my son finally falls asleep for his morning nap (thank the Lord) and try to gather all my thoughts on the last 24 hours. Excuse me if they are a bit scatter. Part of me is letting it all out! I remember during the first month after having Bowden being super emotional, hormonal, sensitive, and a bit defensive some most times. Well lets just say those feelings have creeped back in all over again. You know when you start feeling good about yourself and your motherhood instincts when you can calm your child and you know what helps? Well that all went away these last 24 hours. Bowden was not a happy camper, super fussy, woke up in the night screaming, wouldn't take his bottle, etc....My husband will sometimes say "What do you think is wrong with him?" and I'll usually have an answer like "Oh I think he's teething, or he is having gas," or sometimes it's "He didn't get a good nap, so he's fussy," but yesterday after using all those answers it came down to a frustrated, "I don't know what's wrong I give up!"
Okay I didn't really give up on my son, I'm not that bad (even though it gets to the point where you kinda feel like a horrible mom)
At one point I wanted to just cry right alongside him (maybe I did a lil) What do you do when you have exhausted all your mom solutions? Well after saying 3 prayers over my son, for his gums, and his tummy, and to calm him down. I started praying for me lol. No really, I had 2 headaches all day, which is kinda rare for me. Then I thought okay he loves the car, let's go for a ride, which worked and he fell asleep.  Then wouldn't you know it, it starts all back up again as soon as we get home! So I went through my mom checklist just to make sure I'm not missing something obvious

- Diaper (just a lil wet)
- Check temperature (no fever)
- Is he hungry? (well possibly he won't drink his bottle but he did eat some food)
-Is he teething? (I think so, for like the last 2 months)
-Is he gassy? (a lil but he has gas a lot)
-Is he tired? (should be he woke up last night)

Okay now what, well I decided to gather myself together, so I set him in his crib (while he is screaming), folded some laundry, and then I realize okay it's not the end of the world, out of all of his days so far this just happens to be a bad one and it's gonna be okay. Now that I'm all good,  I'm about to grab him and calm him down....and what happens next....he fell asleep!
I wish I could say I know what's wrong with him and while I really do think it's a combination of teething, hunger, and tiredness since he woke up last night, I just don't know and I don't always have to have the answer. That doesn't make me a bad mom does it? What I can do..Do my best to love him and try to comfort him.
I'm sure I will experience more of these, and some day the tables will probably turn and he might have the meltdown, I guess it comes with the territory of motherhood, but for now I learn to take them for what they are and then....
 I go get a Starbucks cause that just seems to always make things a lil better!

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